When #MeToo broke, I didn’t feel shocked. Honestly, I almost laughed — because for women in music, none of it was news.

I can’t think of a single woman in this industry who hasn’t been harassed at some point. Somewhere along the way, it just became… normal.

Here’s what I’ve learned: watch how a person treats you the moment you say no. The men who claim they want to help — as a manager, an investor, a mentor — some of them can’t handle a boundary. Some will tell you they can end your career. And when they can’t actually go after you, because you’ve done nothing wrong, they go after your name instead.

For a long time, I thought allying myself with the wrong people would keep me safe. I was wrong. That wasn’t safety — it was fear wearing a disguise. I went with the “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” approach. Tried to be so nice. A friend of mine, a therapist, eventually told me I was doing the fawn response — that instinct to appease your way out of danger instead of fighting or fleeing it.

There are a lot of amazing musicians out there, and a lot of great people in this industry. But there are also a lot of sharks. If I could give my top pieces of advice to young musicians starting out, here’s what they’d be:

1. Don’t let anyone breach your personal boundaries — no matter who they are. Saying no can cost you that relationship. But ask yourself: is that a relationship you actually want to be in?
2. Don’t let anyone charge you for management. Managers work off a percentage. When I brought investors into my business, I became a target — people I trusted started trying to invoice me for things I never asked for or needed, knowing there was a lot of money on the table.
3. The music business is risky. Make sure the people investing in you actually believe in you. It’s easy to lose money in this industry, and plenty of people put money in knowing they might lose it. So ask why. Do they genuinely want to support your career — or something else?
4. If someone undermines you personally or professionally, they’re doing it for a reason. Walk away.
5. Stay focused on why you’re a musician and what your actual goals are. Don’t let predators control your career, your choices, or your money.
6. Say no when you need to. Trust your gut. And if you’re a believer — pray.
7. Get everything in writing. If someone won’t put expectations and boundaries in writing — clear terms both of you agree are fair and ethical — that’s a warning sign on its own, and it usually means trouble down the road. If your lawyer says that a deal is no good, don’t proceed because you like the person/company or are blinded by their promises.

I shrank away for years, because saying no felt unbearable — hearing people I trusted call it a “deal breaker” was devastating, because I’d put my whole heart into my work. Part of that was navigating the world as a neurodivergent person — I couldn’t reconcile how someone could say one thing to my face and do the opposite behind my back. But I got stronger. I stopped shrinking.

Now I have my kids watching me. And I refuse to teach them that shrinking yourself is the price of a career.

So here’s what I actually believe: talent and integrity outlast lies. You don’t have to earn your safety by staying quiet. Do the work. Treat people well. Keep your paperwork clean.

And when someone tells you they’ll destroy your career if you don’t comply — remember, that’s not power.

That’s someone who’s already lost.